


Regret

by MyriahKamm



Category: Free!
Genre: Aftermath, Character Death, Depression, Gen, Horror, Suicide, Suspense, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-31
Updated: 2014-01-04
Packaged: 2017-12-31 00:35:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1025255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyriahKamm/pseuds/MyriahKamm
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What if Rin and Rei's encounter outside Samezuka Academy ended differently?  What if Rin's anger got the best of him?  What if he didn't completely hear Rei out?  It can be hard to deal with realizing your true feelings about a difficult subject. I suck at summaries, but basically, things get violent, and poor Rei is on the receiving end.</p><p>Shifts back and forth between Rin's thoughts and Rei's thoughts.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first Free! fic and first violent fic. (I kind of call it horror, but that categorization only sort of fits.) I've just had this idea rolling around in my head and decided to run with it. I don't own any of these characters, nor the bit of dialogue that's taken directly from episodes 10 and 11. (It was too perfect and I didn't have the heart to change it.)

_Rin Matsuoka was swimming. He felt the water flowing around his body as he sliced his way through it. He was moving faster than he ever had in his life. He was going to do it. He was going to make it to the Olympics. He was going to achieve his father's dream._

_He glanced into the lane next to him, expecting to see Haru. He always swam his best when he was with Haru. And he would have believed that it **was** Haru swimming next to him but for the stroke._

_It was butterfly._

_The young man in the lane next to him had a slightly different physique than Haru, too. Slightly taller, with hair that had a slight blue tint to it rather than being completely black. His shoulders were a bit broader, and his thighs were more muscular than Haru's were. His suit was different, too, with blue highlights rather than violet._

_It was that kid from the joint practice. The one who hadn't been able to swim. The one who had swam butterfly in Haru's relay at prefecturals._

_The one who had taken Rin's place._

“ _ **Why is someone like you swimming with them?”**_

 

Rin sat bolt upright in bed, trying desperately to catch his breath. Cold sweat dripped off his face as he leaned forward to cover his face with his hands. After a few minutes, when he'd finally caught his breath, he swung his feet over the edge of the bed and planted them on the floor. He glanced at the digital clock. 3:47 am.

_Wonderful._

With far more effort than it should have taken, the young man pushed himself up to his feet. He slipped on a pair of sweatpants, some socks, his trainers, and topped it all off with a sweatshirt. Pulling his hair back into a ponytail, he headed for the door. After a glance at the top bunk to ensure that Nitori was still asleep, he stuffed his hands into his pockets and left the room.

He headed out of Samezuka Academy and broke out into a jog. He couldn't sleep, not with that damn nightmare running through his head. It had been bothering him ever since he'd watched Iwatobi's relay at prefecturals. That guy. That pathetic, stupid _moron_ who was nowhere _near_ good enough to swim with his former teammates.

His butterfly sucked. It was _horrible_. He'd cost them so much time when he'd been swimming. If it hadn't been for Haru, there was no _way_ Iwatobi would have advanced to regionals. That idiot had almost ruined everything.

_If I ever get that idiot alone,_ he thought, speeding up to a run, _I'll make him pay for thinking he could ever take my place. I'll make him pay for holding them back._

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Rei Ryugazaki slammed the door to his room when he got home. He hadn't exactly intended to yell at Nagisa-kun, but it had happened. He was just so freaking frustrated at the moment. Haruka-senpai's explanation didn't satisfy him, and Nagisa-kun _insisted_ on trying, unsuccessfully, to cheer him up. The only thing that would cheer him up at the moment was an explanation that actually made sense.

And he wasn't going to get that from his teammates.

The only logical solution was to confront this Rin-chan jerk they all kept talking about. The one time Rei had actually met him, Rin had acted like an arrogant little _child_. If his emotional maturity was so stunted, Rei would never be able to figure out what Rin was thinking without talking to him directly.

And he would never be able to move on, to swim with his teammates, to feel like he _belonged_ with them, without knowing what the _hell_ was going on with all of them. Without understanding the past, and getting the full goddamn story. He had to know. He had to know if Rin was as hung up on his former teammates as they were on him.

He had to know if he was just a placeholder for Rin.

He would do it the following day, he decided. He would skip practice and go to Samezuka Academy to confront Rin.

It wasn't as though he could swim at the moment with this on his mind, anyway.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

God, he couldn't _focus_. He should have been happy. He'd beaten Haru, for God's sake! He should have been able to move on!

So why, _why_ couldn't he _focus_?! Every time he slept, he had that damn nightmare, urging him to go for a run. Every time he ran, he wanted to swim. And every time he swam, he thought of that damn _guy._

His hands hit the wall and his teammate—he didn't even know the guy's name—dove off the block, beginning his leg of the relay. It was just practice, so it wasn't like any of this really mattered. Gasping for breath, Rin yanked off his cap and goggles, slamming them down into the water. He could practically see that blue-haired jerk and his pathetic butterfly stroke, see him grinning and adjusting his red-rimmed glasses.

“Damn!” he cursed aloud, pulling himself up out of the pool.

Nitori was yapping at him, but he didn't hear a word the kid said. He didn't care. He grabbed the towel Nitori offered him, pulled it over his head, and went over to sit on a bench near the wall, staring at the floor.

His butterfly times sucked. His exchanges weren't great, either. That damn _megane_ was on his mind constantly, and it was annoying him to no end. How was he supposed to focus, to get anything done, if he couldn't stop thinking about that pathetic jerk?

“Hey, Matsuoka!”

He looked up, only barely registering his name being called. One of his teammates walked over to him.

“There's someone named Ryugazaki outside,” the guy said. “He said he's looking for you.”

_Ryugazaki?_ Rin thought, brow furrowing. _I don't know anyone named Ryugazaki._

Still. It would be better than sitting in here and watching the others swim. Better than sitting here and wishing...

He climbed to his feet, headed into the locker room, pulled on a pair of sweats, and grabbed his jacket. Heading outside, he yanked his jacket on, glancing around slowly once he'd left the building. He finally spotted someone standing against the wall to his left. After a moment, the young man stepped away from the wall, revealing broad shoulders, blue hair, red-rimmed glasses.

“Rin-chan-san, yes?” the guy asked, looking determined.

Rin's eyes widened the slightest bit before narrowing. Ryugazaki was that damn guy. That jerk who was swimming for Iwatobi. That _bastard_ who was holding his former teammates back.

“It's _you,”_ he growled.

All he could think was that this guy was taking his place. This guy. _This guy_. This guy was taking his place, and he _sucked_ at filling it. His butterfly was weak. He was holding Haru and the others back.

“I need to talk to you,” Ryugazaki said evenly, dropping his green backpack to the ground.

_Now I've got that idiot alone. I'll make him pay for thinking he could ever take my place. I'll make him pay for holding them back._

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

If Rei didn't know better, he'd think that Rin looked a lot angrier than he should have. Rin didn't know him, after all; why was he so upset with him being there? Perhaps he was _always_ so angry. Perhaps he didn't like someone he didn't know wasting his time.

Rei ignored the knot forming in his gut. It was nothing. His need for answers outweighed his unease.

“So, what do you want?” Rin demanded, a bite to his tone. His sharp teeth sent a shudder down Rei's spine.

“I have two questions for you,” Rei responded, slowly yet firmly. He would _not_ back down. He wanted, _needed_ answers.

“Huh?” Rin looked even more annoyed, now. “What are they?”

Again, Rei's stomach churned. Why did Rin's gaze pierce him so? Why was his anxiety only increasing? Almost unconsciously, Rei closed his eyes and adjusted his glasses in an effort to calm himself.

“Then here is my first question,” he said, his voice cracking the slightest bit. He opened his eyes to look at his adversary. “Why did you suddenly decide to swim in the relay?”

Rei both saw and felt Rin's gaze intensify, and had to fight every instinct he had to keep his feet planted. He wanted to run, to escape. He'd seen Rin's temper, had heard about it from Nagisa-kun recently. If Rin got angry enough, Rei was sure he would hit him.

He could handle that. He had an older brother, after all, so he'd been in his fair share of fights. Granted, they were normally play fights, games between him and his older brother. Nothing dangerous. Nothing that could potentially cause him real harm. _This_ situation, on the other hand...

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Rin chuckled inwardly as he closed his eyes. That was an easy question to answer. Maybe Ryugazaki wasn't there to rub it in his face. Maybe this kid, this pathetic loser, wasn't there to gloat.

“I changed my mind,” he muttered easily.

It was true, after all. He'd wanted nothing to do with Samezuka's relays before, but after watching his former teammates swim, he realized it was something he wanted: to swim in a relay. To not have the weight of success on his shoulders alone. To share that with others.

He scowled, though, with the realization that he wasn't even happy with _that_. The relay he was in now wasn't the same. It wasn't the _same_. He couldn't...

It was this idiot's fault. He opened his eyes to look at Ryugazaki again. For a split second, he imagined his hands around the other boy's throat. He shook his head a bit to clear the image from his mind, feigning boredom.

“You came here to ask me that?” he wondered aloud, meeting Ryugazaki's gaze. He was sure to keep his own expression blank.

“That answer doesn't convince me,” Ryugazaki said firmly, shaking his head. “You've been fixated on racing Haruka-senpai all this time. Your reason was that you couldn't move forward until you defeated him.”

Where did this little shit get off trying to explain Rin's own life to him? Growing annoyed again, Rin stuffed his left hand into his jacket pocket. He ran his fingers over the knife there. It was a little thing, a pocket knife, with a blade no longer than five inches. He'd started carrying it on him at all times when he'd been in Australia, due to the numerous dangers one could encounter on a daily basis there. He'd run across poisonous snakes and spiders and even _crocodiles_ more than once while he'd been overseas. And, as they say, old habits die hard, so he still kept a knife with him wherever he went.

“And in the last tournament,” Ryugazaki continued, beginning to sound almost like a child throwing a tantrum because he didn't understand something, “you _beat_ him. Doesn't that mean you've achieved your goal?”

Rin's eyes widened the slightest bit. He gritted his teeth, clenching his fist around the knife in his pocket. This punk thought he understood him so damn well, and heck, maybe he did. It was true that he didn't feel like he could move on anymore, and he wasn't completely sure why that was so himself. He _had_ beaten Haru, so what the hell was holding him back now? Why couldn't he get this glasses-wearing bastard out of his head?

After all, beating Haru wasn't what he wanted. Neither was beating Iwatobi. He had loftier goals.

“My goal isn't to beat Haru,” he growled, fist clenching tightly around the knife in his pocket. “And it's not to win tournaments in this country. I aim higher. My goal is the world.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Rei frowned. He was sure Rin-san wasn't being honest with himself. For some reason, the older boy wasn't willing to admit that he wanted to swim with his former teammates again.

“The world?” Rei asked, brow furrowing. When Rin just glared at him, he closed his eyes and lowered his head slightly. “Very well. Moving on to my second question.” He opened his eyes once more to regard his senior with intensity. “How do you feel about Haruka-senpai?”

Rin's eyes widened in genuine shock. The hand at his side twitched while the one in his pocket tensed a bit.

“...huh?” he asked, seeming completely shocked by Rei's question.

Rei decided to just barrel through. Get everything off his chest, and he'd feel better.

“In grade school, you and Haruka-senpai were close rivals. I saw old pictures of you guys when we were at Coach Sasabe's house.” He thought of those photos. He felt his heart clench at the thought. The thought of his teammates, his friends, looking so much happier than he'd ever seen them, especially Haruka-senpai. He took a deep breath to keep at bay the tears threatening his eyes. “You used to smile all the time. With Haruka-senpai, and Makoto-senpai, and Nagisa-kun...”

Rei watched Rin's eyes narrow slowly as he spoke. But it was too late. He had to keep going or he was never going to get answers and never going to be able to comfortably call himself part of the Iwatobi Swim Club.

“The four of you were always together and having fun,” he continued, his voice cracking slightly. “So what made you change after going to study abroad?” He clenched his fists at his sides. “Why didn't you contact Haruka-senpai or any of the others after you returned to Japan? What happened while you were abroad?”

Rin clenched his fist now, too. Rei felt his stomach clench again as he realized he could only see one of the other boy's fists; the other was still stuffed deep into his jacket pocket. There was no reason for that to make him anxious, but it did.

“You used to be good friends, so why?” Rei demanded, his voice taking on a desperate tone. He needed answers. He needed to understand. “You swam in a relay together, so why? You must have been thrilled about swimming in a relay with them!”

He thought of the relay at prefecturals. He thought of how amazing it had felt to swim with his friends, to work together, to really be a team. All working toward the same goal, all striving for the good of each other, all doing their damnedest to advance to the next level _for each other_. It was the most amazing feeling he'd ever felt.

When he'd been a pole-vaulter on the track team, it hadn't actually been about the _team_. It had all been about himself. There had been no camaraderie. But in a relay on the swim team, with Haruka-senpai, and Makoto-senpai, and Nagisa-kun, he felt like he mattered to his teammates, like his performance was for more than just himself, but for his friends, too.

He knew Rin must have felt the same. Who _wouldn't_ feel the same? His brow furrowed as he studied the older boy, who clenched his fist even tighter than it had been before. One last push should do it.

“Aren't you the one who understands more than anyone how great that relay was?” Rei asked, his voice a bit quieter than it had been, more controlled. Logic would definitely win out here. He would force Rin to understand using logic. He would force Rin to tell him what he wanted to know through logic.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Rin's eyes widened for a split second before narrowing. This bastard. This little _bastard_ thought he understood every-freaking-thing. But he didn't get it. He would never get it. He could _never_ understand!

“Shut _up_!” he yelled, advancing a couple of steps toward the blue-haired bastard. He clenched his fist tightly around the knife in his pocket, barely keeping himself from brandishing it. There was no reason to. “I let you talk, and you think you can spout all the stupid logic you want?!”

Ryugazaki took a step back, looking startled, perhaps even afraid. A bead of sweat ran down the side of his face and he swallowed thickly. Scared...good. Rin liked seeing him scared.

“Why do I have to explain myself to you?!” he demanded, throwing his fist into the air and then bringing it back down to his side violently.

Gasping and flinching, as though expecting to be struck, Ryugazaki's eyes widened. Rin saw his Adam's apple work beneath the skin of his throat as he swallowed thickly. After a moment, though, Ryugazaki composed himself once more, adjusting his glasses in that maddening way he did, pressing against the outer edges of the red rims so that his hand obscured most of his face. It was downright suspicious, dammit.

“Because,” Ryugazaki said slowly, evenly, his emotions in check once again, “I'm a victim.”

Something inside Rin snapped. A victim? A _victim_?! That bastard! How the hell was _he_ a victim of _anything_?! He pulled the knife from his pocket, opening it easily in his hand, and ran at the blue-haired bastard.

He shoved the knife into Ryugazaki's right side, between his lowest two ribs. Ryugazaki yelped in surprise and pain, grabbing at Rin's hand in an effort to push it away. But Rin was too determined. He shoved Ryugazaki back away from the front of the school, across the road, and into the trees. Forcing the blue-haired bastard back against a tree trunk, he twisted the knife slightly, greeted by a sickening _squelch_ ing sound.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

_What's going on?_

Rei's mind refused to work. He couldn't figure out what was happening. He could feel pain, radiating out from his right side. He heard Rin panting, enraged. The older boy was much closer to Rei than he had been a moment ago. Rei's back was pressed against something hard and rough, curving back and away from him on either side. The pain in his side increased as Rin twisted his hand. He felt something warm and wet beginning to soak his shirt where the pain was.

_You're in shock,_ explained a voice in his head. _That's bound to happen after being stabbed._

His eyes widened and he looked down. Rin was holding a knife tightly in his left hand. The blade had pierced Rei's side. Blood was soaking his pristine white shirt around the blade, coating Rin's hand. And Rei could only think one thing.

_It's not beautiful._

He coughed as Rin slowly withdrew the knife from his gut. The sound of it made him want to vomit. He looked up at the older boy, eyes still wide. What the hell was...

“You think you're a victim?” Rin asked, his voice eerily quiet. He held up the knife, soaked with Rei's own blood. “How about I _make_ you one?”

There was a crazed look in his eyes. Something was wrong. Really, really wrong. Why had Rin stabbed him? What was he going to do now? That knot in Rei's stomach tightened until he felt as though he really _would_ vomit.

“R...Rin-san...?”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Shut _up_!” Rin screamed, holding the knife close to Ryugazaki's face. “Don't talk! _Stop talking_! You don't understand _anything_ , you stupid fuck!”

Ryugazaki stared at him, wide-eyed, obviously frightened now. Rin shoved him back against the tree again, making him cry out in pain.

“Rin-san, please, stop!”

“ _SHUT THE FUCK UP!”_

He stabbed Ryugazaki a few more times, drawing a cry of pain each time. He stabbed his side, his chest, his shoulder. Then he held the blade against the blue-haired bastard's throat. Ryugazaki was already beginning to grow pale as blood drained from his body, albeit slowly.

“Keep your mouth _shut_ ,” he growled, gritting his teeth in frustration. “You think you get me, but you don't! You don't know a _damn_ thing about me! I don't want to swim with those losers!”

“Then...then what...do you want?” Ryugazaki croaked, his voice laced with fear.

“I'm going to make you _pay_.” Rin moved the knife up, slicing into Ryugazaki's right cheek with it. The younger boy flinched, tears filling his eyes.

“P-pay...for what...?”

“Everything.”

He shoved the knife into Ryugazaki's chest again, half a dozen times. It felt...oddly _good_. It felt wonderful to tear this loser's chest apart, to drive the knife into him over and over. The blood beginning to coat his hand was warm and sticky. A metallic smell filled the air around them the more the bastard bled.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

_This isn't happening._

Rei's legs started shaking as strength slowly ebbed away from his body. The next time Rin pulled the knife back, Rei crumpled to the ground next to the tree. This only seemed to further anger Rin, who shoved him onto his back on the ground and straddled his waist. The older boy held up the knife, now soaked with Rei's blood.

_Why is he doing this?_

The knife pierced his skin a few more times, digging into his side, his chest. After one particularly deep thrust of the knife, Rei felt his breathing become labored. A punctured lung, probably. Was the blade even long enough to reach his lung?

_Am I...going to die?_

He felt that same panic filling him as the night he'd been stuck in that storm at sea during the swim club's training camp. Except this time, instead of drowning on sea water, he was drowning on his own blood. Tears stung his eyes and rolled down his cheeks. Mucus flowed from his nose, covering his face. And even the intense pain in his body couldn't compare with the fact that he _knew_ he looked awful.

_It's not beautiful. Why can't I at least die looking beautiful?!_

He wheezed, trying desperately to speak. The punctured lung made that difficult. He thought that perhaps, if he could talk to Rin, if he could explain things, Rin might stop _stabbing_ him. If he could explain things, maybe he could actually survive this.

“...R...Rin...san...”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Ryugazaki's voice was accompanied by a gurgling sound. Rin gritted his teeth, eyes widening as even more rage welled up within him. He glared down at the blue-haired bastard, smirking at how disgusting he looked. Tears and snot covered his face, mingling with blood from the cut on his right cheek.

“...R...Rin...san...pl...please...”

His hand shaking, Rin hesitated. He had no real reason to continue listening to him. He had no real reason to hear an explanation. But he _did_ want to hear Ryugazaki beg. He wanted to hear the bastard beg for his life.

“Please what?” he demanded icily.

“..wh...why...?”

“Why? _Why_?!” Rin slammed the knife into the dirt next to Ryugazaki's head. The floodgates broke the moment he started speaking. He couldn't get himself to stop. He needed to get this all off his chest. “You're trying to replace me, you bastard! And you _suck_ at it! You can't swim butterfly to save your life! _You're holding them back!_ ” He pounded the ground next to his prey's head with his fist. “Why are _you_ trying to take them away from me? Why is someone like _you_ swimming with them?!”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

_At least he's not stabbing me anymore._

Rei stared at Rin, trying to figure out how to respond. Trying to figure out if he _could_ respond. He felt so weak now, and his strength was quickly waning as more blood flowed from the stab wounds all over his torso. He couldn't lift his head to see it, but he was certain that his once pristine white shirt was now unevenly stained with crimson. Absently, he wondered if it would ever come out.

It struck him that his mind was wandering. Rin had asked him a question, and he was supposed to be trying to answer. Somehow, he pushed past the pain, past the weakness filling his body, and began to speak.

“...they...th-they asked me...” he stammered, reaching up with great effort, his fingers trembling, to grasp the collar of Rin's jacket. “...they w-wanted...to swim...with _you_...”

It was why Rei had come here in the first place. He'd felt like the only reason he was even on the swim team was so that his teammates could see Rin again, swim with him again. He'd felt like it wasn't because of his own talent, or because of any affection they held for him personally. It was all about Rin.

He suddenly lost all feeling in his hand. He watched it release its grip on Rin's jacket and fall to the dirt next to him. And it wasn't just his hand, he realized. It was everything. He couldn't feel his legs, nor his arms. The burning, throbbing, slicing pain that he'd felt in his chest, abdomen, and sides was fading away. Only the pain in his right cheek remained, and that was growing duller by the moment, as well.

_This is it. I'm dying._

He hadn't known what to expect. Somehow, he'd thought it would hurt more. Instead, he simply grew slowly weaker. With that dreaded weakness, though, came a dwindling pain as sensation left him. Breathing became more difficult than it already had been. Each breath came shallower, allowing less and less oxygen into his bloodstream.

_I'm sorry Nagisa-kun,_ Rei thought as his vision started to darken. _And Makoto-senpai, and Haruka-senpai. I'm so sorry. I just...I wanted......answers...._

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Ryugazaki's hand fell to the ground, kicking up a cloud of dust as it connected with the dirt. His breathing slowed. The amount of blood oozing from his wounds gradually decreased. His eyes darkened.

At the same time, Rin's eyes widened. For a few minutes, he knelt there, straddling Ryugazaki's waist, staring at the lifeless body beneath him. His gaze shifted from the still-warm corpse to his hands, covered in blood and dirt, his sweatpants equally stained crimson. Only now did he notice the metallic smell in the air.

Ryugazaki's lifeless eyes were staring up at him. Accusing him. Judging him. Mocking him.

Too late, Rin realized the folly of giving in to his anger. There was no way he would get out of this. People _knew_ he'd been talking to Ryugazaki. Besides, the bastard had no doubt told Makoto and Nagisa and Haru that he'd come to talk to Rin. When he didn't come back, Rin would be the first person they'd suspect.

He was tainted. He'd committed murder.

A heaviness filled his chest, making breathing more difficult. He sucked in a deep breath and felt tears sting his eyes as he truly processed Ryugazaki's last words.

“ _...they w-wanted...to swim...with **you**...”_

His former teammates had formed the Iwatobi Swim Club in order to swim with Rin. They'd asked this blue-haired bastard to join the team so they could swim with Rin. They'd asked him to swim butterfly in their relay so they could _swim with Rin_.

And now he would _never_ be able to swim with them. The tears snaked their way down his cheeks, falling onto Ryugazaki's blood-soaked shirt. Rin grabbed the dead boy's collar and lifted his corpse off the ground slightly, shaking his lifeless body violently.

“Why?” he demanded, a sob escaping him. “Why didn't you say so sooner? Why? _Why?!_ ”

Dropping Ryugazaki back to the ground, Rin glanced at the pocket knife sticking out of the ground. There was only one way. There was only...

He grabbed the knife, yanking it out of the dirt. He flipped it around in his hand and stared at the blade. Most of the blood had come off in the dirt, but here and there little crimson spots were visible.

_There's no point anymore,_ he thought, sniffling. _If I can't swim with them, what point is there?_

He knew they would hate him when they found out. He knew they would hate him for what he'd done. At the very least, they would pity him. He could see Makoto's worried expression in his mind, see the disappointment in his eyes. He imagined Nagisa crying over his friend's body. He imagined Haru's face twisted in shock, his mouth agape, his eyes wide. Taking a deep breath and choking back more sobs, Rin lowered the knife to the ground and scrawled a message in the dirt:

“I just wanted to swim with you. I'm sorry.”

It wasn't much. And he knew it would never make up for what he'd done. It would never redeem him in the eyes of his former teammates. But he really didn't _deserve_ to be redeemed at this point.

Pressing the blade against his throat, he closed his eyes. He dug the blade into his skin and drew it across his neck. He was too numb to feel any pain. After a mere few seconds, he dropped the knife and collapsed on top of Ryugazaki.

One last thought ran through Rin's head as he closed his eyes for the final time.

_Haru......I wish I could swim with you......one...last......time........._


	2. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A brief look at how the events of chapter 1 affected the remaining members of the Iwatobi Swim Club.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Epilogue requested by MadStaraight. I hope it lives up to your expectations. =3

 When Rei-chan didn't answer Nagisa's text, the blonde grew worried. He knew Rei-chan had gone to Samezuka Academy to confront Rin-chan. He'd been so upset the previous evening after they'd all talked about Rin-chan and the past. After waiting fifteen minutes, still with no response to his text, Nagisa decided it was time to tell Mako-chan and Haru-chan what was going on.

“I'm pretty sure Rei-chan went to talk to Rin-chan,” Nagisa told his teammates. “That's why he skipped practice today. But he hasn't answered my texts. Rei-chan _always_ answers my texts. I'm worried.”

“I'm sure it's nothing, Nagisa,” Mako-chan assured him. “But we could always go look for him.”

Haru-chan gave Mako-chan an anxious look. Nagisa was sure he didn't want to end up running into Rin-chan. None of them did, really, not with the way Rin-chan had been acting lately. He was so cruel to all of them. He was nothing like he used to be.

The three of them headed to Samezuka Academy and were about to head inside when Nagisa noticed something green sitting by the wall. He rushed over and picked up Rei-chan's backpack, glancing back at his friends. Only then did he notice the drops of blood on the ground. He felt a knot forming in his stomach.

“...Mako-chan...?” he murmured, pointing to the trail of blood leading away from the school.

“I...I'm sure it's nothing,” the brunette responded half-heartedly.

“Makoto,” Haru-chan said firmly. Both Nagisa and Mako-chan looked at him. “We should call the police.”

They followed his gaze across the road. A trail of blood led into the trees. At the base of the tree they were facing was what appeared to be a pile of dark clothing...and a pool of blood.

“H-Haru?” Mako-chan stammered, sounding frightened.

Nagisa looked from the scene across the road to the backpack in his hand. Fuchsia eyes followed the trail of blood that started where he'd found the bag, crossed the road, and ended with the pool of blood beneath the tree. His eyes widened.

“...Rei-chan...” he whispered, his grip on the backpack slackening as his fingers went numb. “...R...Rei-chan...!”

He dropped the backpack and sprinted across the road. He skidded to a halt just short of the widening pool of blood beneath the tree. He found himself staring down at two bodies, one wearing a Samezuka Academy jacket, the other wearing an Iwatobi High uniform. Both uniforms were stained with blood. Both bodies were incredibly pale. But the red hair and blue hair were unmistakable.

Tears filled Nagisa's eyes as he spotted the knife lying in the dirt next to Rin-chan's lifeless hand. What the heck...what had happened? What was...why had this...? He was about to approach the bodies when Mako-chan grabbed him and pulled him away.

“...Mako-chan...it...it's...it's Rin-chan...and...R-R-Rei-chan...!” Nagisa sobbed, burying his face in Mako-chan's chest.

“You can't touch them, Nagisa,” Makoto told him, holding him close. “We...we have to call the police. We can't...stay here...”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

After Makoto managed to calm Nagisa a bit, he called the police. The three teens were questioned immediately. Haru could barely believe what he was hearing when one of the officers mentioned what they thought happened.

“We're fairly certain that the redhead attacked the blue-haired boy and then killed himself,” the officer told him. “He scrawled a message in the dirt next to him. 'I just wanted to swim with you. I'm sorry.' Do you have any idea what it means?”

Haru just stared at him, his eyes widening slowly. God...it was his fault. It was _his_ fault. Rei had come here to get answers because Haru wasn't free anymore. And Rin...Rin had only wanted to swim with him. Rin had only wanted...

“Haru?” Makoto asked softly, trying to coax him to speak.

“He...wanted to swim with us,” Haru murmured. “He was...jealous.”

The policeman nodded, jotting down some notes, and heading back over to where the bodies lay. The bodies of Haru's friends. The bodies of...

“...Haru?”

“It's my fault,” he whispered as tears filled his eyes.

“Haru, it's not—”

“It's _my_ fault, Makoto. Rei came here because of me. Rin killed him because of me.”

Makoto touched his arm comfortingly. Haru looked at him, tears beginning to roll down his cheeks.

“...now...I really _won't_ get to swim with Rin again...”

“Oh, Haru.” Makoto pulled him into a hug. Much as Nagisa had done earlier, Haru pressed his face against Makoto's broad chest and cried.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

It took nearly two months for the police to wrap up their investigation into the deaths of Rin Matsuoka and Rei Ryugazaki. Makoto had no idea why it had taken them so long. Even if he didn't want to believe it, it was obviously a case of murder-suicide.

He wanted to believe that Rin hadn't meant it. He wanted to believe that it was an accident of some kind. But the fact was that Rin had stabbed Rei almost twenty times. That was more than just an accident. Every time Makoto thought about it, he felt...disappointed.

What had driven Rin to such drastic measures? Why couldn't he have just _talked_ to Rei, to _any_ of them? Maybe if he'd have just talked to them, it wouldn't have come to this.

With only three members once again, the Iwatobi Swim Club was on hiatus indefinitely. Nagisa never smiled anymore. In fact, he was nothing like his previously cheerful, bubbly self. Every time Makoto met his gaze, his fuchsia eyes were dead and lifeless. He was never excited about anything anymore. He'd found a violet armband with a butterfly on it and wore it everywhere.

“It's in memory of Rei-chan,” he'd said. “Because I was supposed to take responsibility for him, and I let something terrible happen to him.”

Likewise, Haru was even more distant than he'd been before they'd formed the swim club. Even though Makoto usually still walked to school with him, Haru had even less to say than before. He would still look longingly at the sea nearly every morning.

But Haru didn't swim anymore.

Makoto routinely asked Nagisa and Haru over to his place to spend time with his family, but they rarely accepted the invitations. It was a sad time for Makoto, too, because he wanted to be able to comfort his friends but didn't really know how to do so, especially when they wouldn't _let_ him comfort them. He felt useless and pathetic. If he wasn't helping his friends, he thought about his _own_ feelings too much.

He should have done something. He should have prevented this from happening. He should have convinced Rei not to go talk to Rin. He should have forced Rin to tell him what was wrong.

...he...he should have protected them...

“Nii-chan! Nii-chaaaaaan!”

Ren grabbed Makoto's arm and tugged on it playfully. But Makoto kept staring out the window absently, barely registering his younger brother's pestering.

“C'mon, Ren, he's not going to play with us,” Ran muttered. “Let's go find something else to do.”

The twins ran off. Makoto frowned. He wished he had the heart to play with his younger siblings again, to be a good big brother. He wished he had the heart to go outside and pet the stray cat wandering around just outside the window.

But he didn't have the heart anymore.

Seeing Nagisa's blank eyes day after day was wearing on him. The growing rift between Haru and everyone else was wearing on him. The lack of sleep, though, was probably the worst part.

Every night when he closed his eyes, all he could see were the bloody, lifeless bodies of Rin and Rei.

 

_**END** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, that was depressing. I think this epilogue was even more depressing to write than the actual main story. Difficult, too, because I'm not 100% sure I got their characters actually right. It's hard to know how they would all react to something so emotionally devastating. Anyway, this was my attempt at the aftermath of the events of chapter 1.
> 
> Constructive criticism (and of course praise) appreciated!

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed that. (haha, yeah right) This took me far too long to write. It's tough to write about your second favorite character killing your first favorite character. And the ending wasn't anticipated, but I realized that was sort of where it had to go at that point.
> 
> Constructive criticism is appreciated. =3


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